Best and Worst Dressed At the 2014 Oscars

Okay, I'm going to bust both the Fashion Police and Bravo's Fashion Queens! My picks for BEST and Worst Dressed at the 2014 Academy Awards are, in no particular order: Charlize Theron, Lady Gaga, Lupita Nyong'o, Kristin Chenoweth, Kristen Bell, and June Squibb. My Worst Dressed Nominees are: Sandra Bullock, Angelina Jolie, Emma Watson, Sally Hawkins, Liza Minnelli, Anna Kendrick, Camila Alves (Mrs. Matthew McConaughey),  and Anne Hathaway.

Now the breakdown. I picked Charlize Theron for her amazing sense of style and elegance. Talk about taking the LBD (little black dress) to a new level. Theron hit this one out of the park! The fit on this dress was perfect! She looked so good, I want to make her into a Barbie Doll and put her up on a pedestal! Lady Gaga looked so good, at first I didn't even recognize her. The dress was simply gorgeous!!! Her wig and makeup were flawless. She was snatched to the Gods!!! Lupita Nyong'o looked fabulous! I love a skinny girl in a giant ball gown skirt. The only slight criticism I have for Lupita is either get a boob job or don't wear gowns with such a plunging neckline, you really need cleavage to pull off a neckline like that. Kristin Chenoweth was a breakout red carpet walker! Her beaded gold dress was so HOT! She left a trail of smoke down the red carpet! The fit of the dress was perfect and her hair and makeup were spot on! This was like old Hollywood glamour, but updated. Kristen Bell looked the best I have ever seen her look. I loved her off white strapless wedding dress like gown. And again the dress fit her very well. And finally June Squibb wore a gorgeous emerald green beaded gown with a matching beaded jacket. Very age appropriate and reminiscent of old Hollywood glamour! But my pick for the winning look of the night goes to....drum roll please......it's a tie! The winners are Charlize Theron and Lady Gaga.

The reading room is now open....my breakdown of the fashion misses is:
Sandra Bullock gurl, while I loved the color of this dress, I think the fabric was far too heavy to use a drape effect with. When I first saw you on TV, I thought some giant blue squid had grabbed you from the back and was trying to pull your right titty and left hip off with its tentacles. While this dress photographs much better than it reads on live TV, the live version was very scary!
Angelina Jolie, usually gurl, you have much better taste in dresses. Today you dressed like an 90 yr old hag trying to look sexy with an illusion bodice and strategically placed beads that show just enough cleavage to be sexy. I know you just had a double mastectomy, but your tits looked really perky and firm, are those implants? So I'm gonna give your body an A and an F for your dress. Sorry gurl.
Emma Watson gurl what the hell were you thinking? Did you even bother to wash your hair today? It looked a hot dry mess! And the 2 piece ensemble was so horrible, I think I need to fly to NYC and slap the hell out of Vera Wang for allowing you to wear that mess. Your look was so NOT age appropriate! You dressed like an old maid trying to look sexy by baring her shoulders. Yawn! You are only in your 20s, please dress like it next time!!! It's not like you are poor! You can well afford to dress better. Not that any of these ladies paid for their dresses on Oscar night. They are all loans or gifts from the Haute Couture designers.
Sally Hawkins wore a beaded shower curtain of a dress that she stole from her older sister. The dress was at least 2 sizes too big and you were completely lost inside of the dress.(Shakes head in disgust). So sad! You were nominated for an Oscar, had you won, was that really the dress that you would have wanted beamed all over the world? I don't think so!
Liza Minnelli wore an over sized top and pajama pants made out of silk charmeuse supposedly made by Halston. While I loved the color, it was midnight blue and the fabric, Liza really needed to wear a bra underneath. Her giant tits were drooping to her knees like 2 giant under inflated water balloons. Ellen called Liza a drag queen but at least a drag queen would have known what the proper undergarments were to wear with a top like that.
 Anna Kendrick wore a very confusing look, there was draping, beaded illusion, backless with straps, and a giant slit on the skirt. That dress was so ugly, you couldn't even call it a prom bomb or ghoulish frock. It was just hideous!
Camila Alves who is supposed to be a model wore an ugly soft pink sheath with long sleeve and a giant cape like growth on her left shoulder. You are a young woman with a fabulous body, why are you dressing like an 80 yr old nun? I bet that dress was heavy too. It looked so uncomfortable! I bet you were sweating  like pig in it, too. hahahaha
And finally Anne Hathaway normally gurl you look really hot and well put together but today that dress was a total miss. I kind of liked the skirt but the bodice was ill fitting and the beads looked like giant plastic tic tacs. The dress photographed better than it read on TV. When I saw it on TV I hated it. But when I viewed a photo of it, I didn't hate it so much. But I still didn't like it. hahahaha You have worn better dresses in the past, so I know you know how to dress, this was an ugly hot mess. But I loved your hair and makeup. You are still rocking a short do which frames your face beautifully!