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Hot Apostle Paul and Hot Jesus hooking up on a street corner. Where's that corner at? I need me a hottie too!! (Portrayed by actors Prince Royce and Jencarlos Canela.)
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Normally, I love anything Tyler Perry especially if Madea is in it. But this, this....THIS HOT ASS MESS was so confusing? Someonc called up central casting and got 2 super HOT guys to portray Jesus Christ and Apostle Paul or maybe they went trolling where ever they have hot Gay porn stars I'm not sure which spot is correct because either would work for this production. hahahaha Now, where they wrong right off the bat was the Apostles. Peter was the only HOT one, Judas was ok, in real life he is Chris Daughtry of Daughtry Rock band. And the rest, who we never got to hear speak were a group of hobos they found living under some bridge somewhere. Every one of them a TROLL!!!!!! Now correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't the real Apostles Jesus's contemporaries? He was maybe a little young but he was not a baby to a bunch of old drunk farts. hahahaha Sigh. Sigh.
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| Hot Jesus riding public transportation. Can't he afford an Uber? LOL |
Before, I get into the performances, let just comment on the stage they built to host the Live portion of their show on. To me it, looks like a little dick that just shot a giant load of cum from some fat dude and so he has cum hanging off his cock and there is a big drop of it on his leg to the right of him. Ewwww, I know, but that's what it looks like to me. And he manscapes and so the 4 turrets that are supposed to be the temple wall are the 4 pubic hairs he missed when he was shaving his crotch. And all of the backup singers are the crabs and fleas that he needs to get treated for. ROFL!!!
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| The Live Stage for the performance of the Passion Live in New Orleans. |
Okay, let's go back to the very beginning of the show. The show opened with Tyler Perry introducing himself and then the gorgeous and talented Yolanda Adams who sang a nice song. But she was wearing this glittery fake kimono type gown with hooker heels and the sleeves were sewn down to the sides of the dress like wings. So when she lifted her arms, she looked like one of those flying squirrels taking flight between tress looking for nuts. LOL So the opening I'm gonna give it 5 out of 5 stars and I set back in my chair and was excited. While I snacked on fried chicken leg and some Hot Tamales candy. hahahaha Salty sweet yum yum!!!
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| Yolanda Adams singing When the Saints Go Marching In. |
Next Tyler introduced us to Mary, the mother of Jesus, portrayed by Trisha Yearwood wearing beautiful boat necked evening gown that had some lining issues with the cutouts and diamond and pearl earrings worth at least $50,000.00 big ones. hahahaha Now again, correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't Jesus's family a bunch of day laborers and carpenters who neither had a pot to piss in nor pan to cook up some refried beans in?!?!?! So how come Mary looked like she was attending a red carpet movie premier somewhere. She was stiff as a board during her performances. So maybe that was how she was portraying the broke mother of a carpenter? Hmmm...???????????
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Trisha Yearwood portraying Mary the mother of Jesus...on the red carpet to no where. hahaha
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Now most of this show was NOT live, it was filled with a bunch of packets of Jesus and his trolls, oops, I mean his Apostles, all over the city doing nothing but taking up space and funking up the night air with their Colt45 breath and unwashed bodies. LOL Oh, now do you remember where Jesus taught a group to fish and then he gave them bread. Well that didn't happen in this production. Jesus went to the local food truck where Chef Karla Hall, rooty tut herself gave him some fish and day old bread rolls that he passed out to the trolls, oops, I mean the Apostles. Sorry but I call it as I see it. SILYMI (Say It Like You Mean It). Did Karla get fired from the Chew? And what happened to her gourmet cookie line? Oh how the mighty have fallen?? !!!
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| Seal as Pontius Pilate or some crazed business exec with delusions of grandeur! Your guess is as good as mine. |
Seal portrayed Pontius Pilate, the Roman Commander who ordered that Jesus be put to death at the behest of the masses. I was taught that it was Pilate who deemed it and not the maddening crowd around. But, I guess when you re-imagine something, you can just change it however you want to? He sounded good, but for the life of me, I don't remember what song he sang. Next!!!!
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| Hot Jesus singing the finale or just some crazed escapee from a mental home about to jump!!! U decide. |
Now the ending to me is where they completely blow it. Judas has a mental breakdown over in that Steel Mill where Janet Jackson filmed the Pleasure Principle video and he sings to the rats and birds because NO ONE ELSE IS THERE!!! Or maybe WE (the audience) couldn't see them. Then Judas goes to the park with a SWAT Team, where Jesus and the trolls are hanging out around a camp fire roasting marsh mellows and stale bread. Jesus is arrested and taken to the dick stage. Where Pilate condemns him to death because the crowd told him to. (fucking bitches). then the Glowing Giant Cross that was being carried all over town finally arrives at the dick stage. We never see Jesus strapped up to it. Jesus is killed off stage, and then he ascends to the roof of some high rise off to the left of the dick stage and now he's out of the orange jumpsuit and wearing all white looking one of those spa employees at the day spa for women only. And he scream-sings another forgettable song. And that was it. A big fucking waste of my time and delicious snack!!! hahahaha
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